Unrequited Love: 6 Essential Tips to Cope, Heal, and Grow

Many of us have been there. We've been interested in a guy or girl, expressed our feelings about them as well as our hopes and desires for a relationship, only to be ignored or overlooked, strung along, or simply rejected.

The feeling we experience from not having our feelings reciprocated is awful. We obviously feel rejected, but there are deeper feelings and thoughts that can emerge from this experience. It may bring up our past feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. It may tap into our personal insecurities, whereby we begin asking ourselves critical questions like, "Why don't they like me?" "What's wrong with me?" Even worse, we may begin to judge ourselves and our personal qualities, "If I were better looking or had a better body, he or she would want me."

Clearly, the thoughts and emotions that get stirred up from unrequited love are powerful and undoubtedly unhealthy to our sense of self and well-being. If you are one who is able to walk away from this kind of experience unscathed with your head held high, then we applaud your self-confidence.

However, to those who may be deeply hurt by this experience, and to those who are being strung along or holding on to the remotest possibility of a future relationship, here are 6 tips to protect yourself and cope with the ache of unrequited love:

1) Be Positive: Don't allow yourself to question your value. STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS. When you begin to go down this dangerous road, say to yourself or yell out loud, "No. I'm not going there!" Replace the self-hate with positive messages about yourself. Appreciate who you are and what you have to offer. You are worth so much! Say it to yourself everyday if you need to and most of all...BELIEVE it!

2) Acceptance is Key: You may not like it, you may wish with every fiber of your being that it weren't true, but it's a reality that you have to face. If you continue to hold on, hoping for a future relationship, you will never heal and never move forward. Accepting this fact, however harsh, is vital.

3) Distraction Helps: You've just experienced a loss. Allow yourself some time to grieve, and then move on. Reaching out to friends, reading your favorite book, watching a funny movie, or whatever you enjoy doing, helps you to get out of your head and away from the pain of loss.

4) Do What You're Good at: Whether you excel at work, art, household projects, problem-solving, etc. focus on your strengths. By doing these things you will feel a sense of accomplishment and be reminded that you have unique talents and skills that are worthwhile.

5) Know Yourself: Crisis is always an opportunity. Use this time to figure out who you are. Ask yourself some questions, "What are my needs?", "What do I want in a relationship?", "What does a healthy relationship look like?" If you realize that you've been in this situation before ask yourself, "How did I end up here again?" Recognizing a pattern, and learning about yourself is essential to change and growth.

6) Envision a Bright Future: There is always hope for a future relationship with someone who values you, respects you, and truly appreciates what you have to offer. Take a few minutes each day to think about this, imagine that future, and focus on the positive qualities you want in a relationship and a significant other. There is no perfect relationship and no perfect partner, but your vision can be a guide to helping you learn the healthy signs (and warning signs) as you begin to reenter the world of dating.

While unrequited love challenges us on myriad levels, we have the power to decide whether our thoughts and emotions control us, or whether we control them. If you follow these six important steps, you will be on your way toward positive change, healing, and growth.

Copyright � Bryan D. Norman

Reasons Your Partner May Lose Interest in You

When we meet someone we are either interested in them or not, and if we are interested in them we tend to pursue them and get to know them better. But once we have that person we may lose that interest as time goes on. There are many reasons for this. Here are 3 of them.

1. You Stop Trying To Impress Them.

Everyone is on their best behavior when they first meet someone they are attracted to. They put in a lot of effort in to impress the other person and make them fall for the way they talk, think, and act. But once they stop putting forward this effort of trying to impress them they can seem like they don't want to impress the other person anymore, and that may actually be the case sometimes.

After a relationship gets started it can become comfortable. You already have the person in your pocket right? Wrong! You may be in a relationship with them and they may like you for who you are, but you still have to try to amaze them with your ability to be such a great lover and partner in life. You've moved passed the stage of 'Look what I can offer you initially' to the stage of 'Look what I can offer you in the long run'.

You should want them to know that they have a man or woman who is going to always find it imperative that they be impressed with their love, knowledge, and giving nature.

2. The Real You Comes Out.

This is why being fake to impress someone is a bad idea. If you spent the first bit of your relationship pretending to be someone you are not, just so you could get their attention and admiration, then you are looking at a big let down in the future for them and possibly a total loss of interest from them.

For example, let's say you pretended to be a neat freak but you are actually a slob. One day you are going to get tired of picking up after yourself and instead allow your true messy side to start showing itself indefinitely. Your partner will be shocked at your sudden change in behaviour and because they are most likely a neat freak they will be appalled.

They may put up with it for a short time but eventually it may become too much for them to deal with. You knew they liked things neat in the beginning and they thought you did as well, but a huge contrast like that which causes them feel constant stress is enough to cause them to lose interest in you and find someone more similar to them.

So always be honest and upfront in the relationship, and if you pretend to be something you are not then you better be ready for the consequences.

3. You're Too Clingy.

When you met you had separate lives and interests. You enhanced each others lives by being a little bit different and sharing with each other those differences. You went to the movies with your friends, and allowed yourself to miss your new partner, and then you came back together to spend some quality time together. Now you want to be everywhere they are at every hour of the day.

Sharing your lives together is essential to a happy relationship, but always being together is not healthy. You are a unique individual who has unique interests from your partner, and if you stifle those interests and activities to please your partner then you both suffer. You also want to keep your unique self alive by being with just yourself once in a while.

Even a small thing like going for a walk by yourself is doing something on your own. It's allowing you to reconnect with yourself and remember who you are as an individual. It can only add to the relationship when you do this. Remember the one person who you always have in your life is you - so nurture that relationship and spend some time with you once in a while. Your partner loves the unique you after all, so you don't want to lose him or her.

Losing interest doesn't have to happen. Remember these 3 things in your relationships and remember that your partner should be excited to have you in their life every day they wake up. That is what will keep their interest.