Creating a Sense of Connection

Our feelings of connection to others sustain our sense of well-being. Understanding this vital element of our emotional lives can help us improve our interactions and deepen our sense of connection.

Often we have the experience of having a good connection with another person. Some of the qualities of this experience are intangible, hard to even begin to articulate and therefore easily attributed to "chemistry", as a blanket explanation. Whereas other qualities that contribute to having a good connection, are more observable; in particular those elements in communication that contribute to feeling connected such as a sense of mutuality, or a sharing of experience.

Learning to Connect with Others

The development of the sense of mutuality has a long history beginning in early infancy and growing across time as the parent responds to their infant's signals, giving them both a sense of shared experience and connection.

Recent research has shown that babies learn to recognize the intentions of others much earlier than we had thought, giving them many opportunities to develop their sense of mutuality. First they experience someone joining them in their world and later they experience joining with another.

The ability to join our attention with another, to attend to what someone else is focusing on and vice versa also begins in early months. Babies begin to look towards an object that another person is pointing to. Following this development, the infant points and expects the other to join their attention with them. This experience of joint attention draws focus to the growth of the sense of mutuality, increasing understanding of other people's minds and our relationship to them. We learn how to connect to others so that we can participate in a shared experience.

The Mutuality of Connection

Our sense of connection in relationships depends on our sense of mutuality. The sharing of experiences builds a sense of mutuality so that the more of ourselves each member of a relationships shares with the other, the deeper our sense of connection becomes.

All of us have probably had the experience of not speaking the same language as another person. By eliminating the basis for our shared communication we find ourselves having difficulty relating. Our attention then becomes focused on the disconnection because we have lost commonality.

Likewise, if we are not sharing ourselves, we increase our focus on the disconnection. When we join our attention with another by either sharing actual experiences or through verbal expression, we bring focus back to the sense of mutuality and the feeling of connection. Expressing our feelings and needs in our relationship and being willing to take in and acknowledge the other person's feelings and needs creates mutuality.

To learn more about connection and mutuality, visit truceworks.com, a free interactive site for improving communication and resolving conflicts.

Copyright 2011 Truceworks

How To Get Over An Ex In 6 Easy Steps

Knowing how to get over an ex can be the difference between a few days of pain or a few years of drawn out suffering. Hurt ego, the effect on your self-confidence and the anger that you may have for that person are some factors which are involved in the process of forgetting someone who broke your heart, and this requires additional steps in order to forget that person.

As soon as a relationship has ended, a person can sometimes suffer for a long period of time caused by his hurt ego, and not the love that he had for the person that has broken his heart. This means that you'll be able to get over the person totally and still feel the pain caused by the bad emotions related to how you were rejected and dumped that will remain.

So how can I get over my ex?

Here are the steps needed to forget the person who has hurt you.

1. Recovering your ego: Hating the person or revenge are two things that you shouldn't do when trying to heal your ego. These are not the solutions to your issue. This would only just make you turn out to be a resentful being. A better way to heal a hurt ego is by being strong and to show that person that he just lost the most valuable "thing" in his life and that is you of course. Divert all your bad feelings and anger in motivating yourself to be a better person, and eventually your ex will know your progress and realize of his loss.


2. Boost your self-confidence: People sometimes fail to recover after a breakup because of self-esteem problems and it's not because for the love they had towards the person who broke their heart and dumped them.


3. Discard the old memories: Remove all the things that will remind you of him such as pictures, gifts, etc. Stop listening to sad romantic music and avoid going to places that both of you used to go to.


4. He is not the "One": There are still many potential partners out there waiting for your attention. You only knew one of them so far. The idea of the "one" is just a false belief that has been fed to you and influenced by the media.


5. Don't think about him: It may be hard at first but you'll get used to it eventually.


6. Don't listen to romantic, depressing and sad songs: Avoid listening to these kind of music, but instead go for the opposite types of music such as songs about coming out on top over adversity and about being strong. This will help programme your mind into getting over with the person who broke your heart.

Unrequited Love: 6 Essential Tips to Cope, Heal, and Grow

Many of us have been there. We've been interested in a guy or girl, expressed our feelings about them as well as our hopes and desires for a relationship, only to be ignored or overlooked, strung along, or simply rejected.

The feeling we experience from not having our feelings reciprocated is awful. We obviously feel rejected, but there are deeper feelings and thoughts that can emerge from this experience. It may bring up our past feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. It may tap into our personal insecurities, whereby we begin asking ourselves critical questions like, "Why don't they like me?" "What's wrong with me?" Even worse, we may begin to judge ourselves and our personal qualities, "If I were better looking or had a better body, he or she would want me."

Clearly, the thoughts and emotions that get stirred up from unrequited love are powerful and undoubtedly unhealthy to our sense of self and well-being. If you are one who is able to walk away from this kind of experience unscathed with your head held high, then we applaud your self-confidence.

However, to those who may be deeply hurt by this experience, and to those who are being strung along or holding on to the remotest possibility of a future relationship, here are 6 tips to protect yourself and cope with the ache of unrequited love:

1) Be Positive: Don't allow yourself to question your value. STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS. When you begin to go down this dangerous road, say to yourself or yell out loud, "No. I'm not going there!" Replace the self-hate with positive messages about yourself. Appreciate who you are and what you have to offer. You are worth so much! Say it to yourself everyday if you need to and most of all...BELIEVE it!

2) Acceptance is Key: You may not like it, you may wish with every fiber of your being that it weren't true, but it's a reality that you have to face. If you continue to hold on, hoping for a future relationship, you will never heal and never move forward. Accepting this fact, however harsh, is vital.

3) Distraction Helps: You've just experienced a loss. Allow yourself some time to grieve, and then move on. Reaching out to friends, reading your favorite book, watching a funny movie, or whatever you enjoy doing, helps you to get out of your head and away from the pain of loss.

4) Do What You're Good at: Whether you excel at work, art, household projects, problem-solving, etc. focus on your strengths. By doing these things you will feel a sense of accomplishment and be reminded that you have unique talents and skills that are worthwhile.

5) Know Yourself: Crisis is always an opportunity. Use this time to figure out who you are. Ask yourself some questions, "What are my needs?", "What do I want in a relationship?", "What does a healthy relationship look like?" If you realize that you've been in this situation before ask yourself, "How did I end up here again?" Recognizing a pattern, and learning about yourself is essential to change and growth.

6) Envision a Bright Future: There is always hope for a future relationship with someone who values you, respects you, and truly appreciates what you have to offer. Take a few minutes each day to think about this, imagine that future, and focus on the positive qualities you want in a relationship and a significant other. There is no perfect relationship and no perfect partner, but your vision can be a guide to helping you learn the healthy signs (and warning signs) as you begin to reenter the world of dating.

While unrequited love challenges us on myriad levels, we have the power to decide whether our thoughts and emotions control us, or whether we control them. If you follow these six important steps, you will be on your way toward positive change, healing, and growth.

Copyright � Bryan D. Norman

You Have Got A Lot!

We all have got a lot. We have different gifts.

Though there are only a few, who are materially endowed we don't have to be envious, because we have other gifts to discover. There are many ways how people could share. And we have to work for these tasks.

Don't you know that you got your precious life, your precious family, your precious friends and communities? Those are way beyond millions.

Life has no price. That is why God made it so beautiful: the human anatomy, body systems, the power of the brain, the loyalty of the heart. Science can't bring the dead to life, nor can it create another human being.

When you die, you wouldn't be bringing anything with you in your casket. Where to your body?

It will crumble to pieces and decay, go back to dust.

You would realize, near your death bed that life is so precious. So before that time comes, you have to prepare your heart.

Your loved ones will miss you, and even those people you met in all the angles of your life. They will remember you, those good times you've talked and shared little and big things. The precious encounters!

Often, you see every problem around, but forget to count your blessings. What you own are gifts already, and in what you're working for, time will reward and would never forget. In different ways, you will get what you planted.

Even some troubles are blessings in disguise, because in what's hard that comes to you, you are molded to become more beautiful. Wisdom grows with time and endurance. It is discovering something more than the money that you have today. It is preparing you for something bigger than life and closer to heaven.

When my mother had cancer, I thought it would be so difficult to tend her. But then, I was wrong for in that span of a year, our families got closer to more people who really cared for the sick. These people, in the hospital, the helpers, and many good people around became my mother's friends. These people were our very own families during those times, no one would be available. They made my mother happier and stronger facing death.

And now that everything had passed, and everything's gone I have learned that compassion, unity, and trust mattered. Indeed, I have got a lot, my mother's wisdom and her friend's compassion. Everyone can be angels, just try to discover them around you.

So brace up and know what you've got before it's gone; or you don't know what you've got till it's gone.

The right choices come with love. Keep loving!

How to Deal With A Painful Breakup and Begin to Enjoy Your Life Again!

Why would anyone want to be with someone that was not enjoying themselves? If you are not having fun in you life, then you cannot possibly seem like a fun person to date or even be with. And while you might be feeling miserable because you are not dating anyone, that very feeling may be what is pushing people away.

Since you probably want to attract people that are fun loving, you need to start looking at your life as though it were meant to be a happy journey, because it is.

Life is meant to be joyous and fulfilling, and when you do not actively seek out this happiness, you are standing in the way of your own possibility.

If you are facing a potential break up or separation with a loved one, you need to reflect on your own life again and learn to see the truth of what is really happening instead of only complaining about your life and relationship. Many times, a break up comes about because we forget to see whether we are really standing in the way of our own possibility. Let us know look at the case study of one of my friends, Donny, to see what this means.

When Donny first broke up with his ex-girlfriend, he was bitter and angry. He thought that she was the perfect person for him and that he treated her lovingly. The breakup was a shock to him, even more a shock was her announcement to be married within a month of the end of their relationship.

He was mad and began to sit at home, feeling sorry for himself, even hating himself. He felt like a loser and he felt that life was unfair to him. When he was not at home, we would go to the bars and complain about his ex to whoever was in the room.

To Donny, he thought that he was simply processing what was a very hard time in his life. He was getting it out of his system. But in reality, he was creating negative energy that was being thrown at the rest of the people in the room.

Do you think anyone wanted to date him then?

Thankfully for Donny, he became sick of feeling sorry for himself and started taking tennis lessons again. He used to love playing tennis and had not played since the breakup.

He started playing every day, even by himself when he was not being taught. he began to appreciate what he has at the moment. Soon, he forgot about his painful breakup and began to enjoy his life again.

Because of this new-found love for something, he began to smile more often and was friendly to others. That got him noticed by women - beautiful women that wanted to know more about who he was. And when he did talk to these women, they were surprised that he was recently single - they figured that everyone wanted to date him.

Little Known Secrets to Get People to Be Interested in You and Attracted to You Without Your Asking!

If you have ever looking into someone's eyes when they have learned something new, you will see a sparkle that makes them stand out from the rest of the crowd. Seriously speaking, you do not have to be the smartest person in the room, but being a person that wants to continue to learn new things will make you the most attractive in the room.

1) Learning new things increase your chances!

I have a relative, Eve, who was a person that liked to read a lot, so she did not always get out to meet new people that she could date. But she did notice that she sometimes had good ideas for stories and novels that she read, so she decided to make something of her reading experience.

She headed out for a novel writing class at the local community college.

Once there, she found that she was a natural at developing story lines and characters, winning the praise of classmates and her instructor.

The instructor recommended that she return to school to get her Master's degree in literature or writing and turn her new-found talent into a career. Eve was surprised at this turn in her life, but was enjoying it so much that she did not even hesitate.

When she stood in line at the registrar's office, she noticed a guy about her age that looked vaguely familiar. It turned out that he was in her writing class with her.

He told her that he was really impressed with how passionate she was about writing and going back to school to further develop this passion. And then he asked her out on a date.

Learning something new causes others that are interested in new things to be attracted to you - without your having to do a thing besides doing what you love.

2) Learn to recognize what goes through your mind and thoughts!

When you want to attract good things into your life, even beautiful and handsome dates, you need to think thoughts that are related to the people you want to attract.

With all of the thoughts that run through our heads, it is no wonder that we cannot seem to control them all. But maybe that is not the point. Maybe you just need to recognize what you are thinking in order to change the negative thoughts into positive ones.

For example, when you want to attract someone who is kind, you need to think kind thoughts. When you want to attract someone that is funny, you need to project a funny personality. Like two magnets, you will attract the people that think the way you do, if you simply change the way you are thinking.

I know a friend, Bob, who was not the kind of guy that was into self-development.

He thought that if a woman was not interested in him, it was her loss and he should not even sorry about it. But as he realized that no one ever seemed to be interested in him, he started to feel like maybe something WAS wrong with him.

For a few days, he decided to write down every thought that he had about the people around him. And though he planned to do this for a few days, he could only maintain it for twenty-four hours because of how much he was writing down.

Literally, there were pages and pages of disparaging thoughts about the people that he came into contact with everyday.

Bob realized that maybe he was not as much of a catch as he had led himself to believe. He realized that if he was just thinking these things, he might be showing them in the way that he moved or the way that he looked at people - and that probably was not increasing his chances of marrying a nice woman.

To help him change the way that he thought, Bob wore a rubber band on his wrist and started to snap it onto his skin whenever he began to think anything negative.

After a few days of a red wrist, he started to realize when he would think negative thoughts and then he would change them into more positive statements. He still thought some negative things, but the exercise helped him to slowly cut back and correct himself when he was being a bit too negative.

As he did this, his face lightened and his body language changed. People were not afraid of what Bob was thinking of him and started to talk to him more and ask what he thought about things. By simply looking at what he was thinking, Bob became a person that people were attracted to.

The Secret Every Irishman Knows About Relationships

Our parents have affected us deeply.

Reasons Your Partner May Lose Interest in You

When we meet someone we are either interested in them or not, and if we are interested in them we tend to pursue them and get to know them better. But once we have that person we may lose that interest as time goes on. There are many reasons for this. Here are 3 of them.

1. You Stop Trying To Impress Them.

Everyone is on their best behavior when they first meet someone they are attracted to. They put in a lot of effort in to impress the other person and make them fall for the way they talk, think, and act. But once they stop putting forward this effort of trying to impress them they can seem like they don't want to impress the other person anymore, and that may actually be the case sometimes.

After a relationship gets started it can become comfortable. You already have the person in your pocket right? Wrong! You may be in a relationship with them and they may like you for who you are, but you still have to try to amaze them with your ability to be such a great lover and partner in life. You've moved passed the stage of 'Look what I can offer you initially' to the stage of 'Look what I can offer you in the long run'.

You should want them to know that they have a man or woman who is going to always find it imperative that they be impressed with their love, knowledge, and giving nature.

2. The Real You Comes Out.

This is why being fake to impress someone is a bad idea. If you spent the first bit of your relationship pretending to be someone you are not, just so you could get their attention and admiration, then you are looking at a big let down in the future for them and possibly a total loss of interest from them.

For example, let's say you pretended to be a neat freak but you are actually a slob. One day you are going to get tired of picking up after yourself and instead allow your true messy side to start showing itself indefinitely. Your partner will be shocked at your sudden change in behaviour and because they are most likely a neat freak they will be appalled.

They may put up with it for a short time but eventually it may become too much for them to deal with. You knew they liked things neat in the beginning and they thought you did as well, but a huge contrast like that which causes them feel constant stress is enough to cause them to lose interest in you and find someone more similar to them.

So always be honest and upfront in the relationship, and if you pretend to be something you are not then you better be ready for the consequences.

3. You're Too Clingy.

When you met you had separate lives and interests. You enhanced each others lives by being a little bit different and sharing with each other those differences. You went to the movies with your friends, and allowed yourself to miss your new partner, and then you came back together to spend some quality time together. Now you want to be everywhere they are at every hour of the day.

Sharing your lives together is essential to a happy relationship, but always being together is not healthy. You are a unique individual who has unique interests from your partner, and if you stifle those interests and activities to please your partner then you both suffer. You also want to keep your unique self alive by being with just yourself once in a while.

Even a small thing like going for a walk by yourself is doing something on your own. It's allowing you to reconnect with yourself and remember who you are as an individual. It can only add to the relationship when you do this. Remember the one person who you always have in your life is you - so nurture that relationship and spend some time with you once in a while. Your partner loves the unique you after all, so you don't want to lose him or her.

Losing interest doesn't have to happen. Remember these 3 things in your relationships and remember that your partner should be excited to have you in their life every day they wake up. That is what will keep their interest.

Relationship Advice: Telling Lies and Honesty

Great pleasure is enjoyed by those who trust that their loved ones will always act with honesty and integrity. And as many of us perceive honesty to be the cornerstone of our relationships with our partners, we are wired to seek the truth however painful this may be, before we can make our informed choices on whether to stomach things, to forgive or to forget.

On the other hand we may be willing to excuse a "white lie" if we can be persuaded that our partner is motivated by good intentions.

Our partners are similarly faced with grave decisions about whether to tell us the truth or not and this can be a challenge especially if they do not know what the other partner's reaction is going to be.

How many of us would spontaneously tell their other half something that could spoil our domestic bliss or, cause a rift? In seeking to maintain their approval, we may sometimes feel obliged to tell a white lie. But when does a lie constitute a mere effect of weakness? And when should we take great care to avoid grief and breach of domestic union?

Consider for example the case of a wife lying to her partner about how much she spent on a handbag. Why did she lie? Was she seeking to protect her image as a financially prudent person or, was she seeking to avoid the potential risk of infuriating her husband about a perceived frivolous expense.

Depending on the circumstances, a lie maybe interpreted as an excusable indulgence; a human foible that can be overlooked or a betrayal of your partner's trust. Many would agree that the price of trust is beyond measure and when faith is eroded, we find it harder to give second chances. Hence a conscious decision to tell the truth (or not) can have far- reaching consequences.

On occasion we may act in haste for fear of losing our partner or being perceived as a cheat. However we may live to regret the feelings of guilt and anguish that can "eat away" the harmonious relationship that we are so desperately seeking to protect.

Most relationships would benefit from a few tips

Agree that honesty is a priority. Deciding as a couple that you both want open and considerate communication is an incredibly important step in establishing honesty ground rules.

Talk about what you need, not what your partner needs to do. John Gottman, a well known psychologist and expert on marriage and relationships, recommends a 'softened startup'. Example: I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. Would you help me identify some ways I can get some more support? When someone is approached "honestly" about their shortcomings and lacks, it is understandable that they may get defensive and refuse your request or seek revenge later.

Identify topics that are off-limits. Even after you've decided to be honest, some topics are too difficult to tackle, especially if they've been problematic historically in your relationship. Setting some ground rules about what issues shouldn't be talked about at first is probably a good idea.

When necessary, wave the white flag. Intense discussions are often difficult and exhausting. If you're trying to be honest with each other, make sure you allow one another to "drop out" at some point for a cooling off period. Example: I want to resolve this with you but I need a few minutes to cool off. Can we take a ten-minute break?

Be mature.An honest conversation with a loved one can be undermined by name-calling, derisive remarks, or belittling contemptuous comments. Try to avoid that.

Aim for progress, not perfection. Nobody is perfect. Honesty in a relationship requires trust, time and tolerance - And the recognition that you are not perfect either!

101 Ways To Tell If He Is Right For You - A True Checklist That Will Show You If He's The One!

Not sure if this guy is right for you? Is it hard to tell if he is really meant to be with you? Can't figure out if this guy is the type that will give you everything you want? Don't know if this man has everything that he should to be right for you?

If you want to know if a man is right for you, all you have to do is look at the things he says and does from a relationship and fulfillment standpoint.

What this means is that you should be looking to see if his actions are geared toward himself (selfishness, personal gain, usury etc.) or if they are geared toward the relationship (caring for you, helping you, working toward commitment etc.).

Not only this, but you should also look to see if he is ACTUALLY fulfilling you, which you can find out by looking at how he responds to you, and also by how you FEEL when he does certain things.

For instance, if you FEEL bad most of the time, or always feel like you have to TELL him to do things, then clearly he is not fulfilling you...and then you should assess if you are simply wasting your time with the guy.

There are of course plenty more examples where that came from that can show you if a man is right for you or not, in fact, here are 101 ways to tell if he is right for you:

#1. He doesn't blow you off- Does he always use the excuse of being "busy" as a reason not to be around you? If so, he's blowing you off and basically isn't interested. BUT, if he still makes time for you even though he's busy, he's a catch!

#2. He doesn't make excuses- Excuses are a justification for him to not to bother, not please you, and not improve.A man who makes excuses is the kind who is covering up the fact that he simply doesn't care enough.

#3. He listens to criticism- No man likes to be told what to do, BUT, if you have a valid point and a suggestion that will help him improve, he WOULD listen to it if he values what you say.If he doesn't ever listen, it means he simply doesn't care about your opinion, feelings, or thoughts.

#4. He doesn't judge you- You can tell him something that you aren't proud of, or a mistake you made in the past... and he won't judge you or hold it against you, even if he disagrees with what you did, he won't throw that in your face.

#5. He includes you in his life- He makes you a part of his work, or tries to include you in his projects.He asks for your input on projects or things he is working on, and includes you in his life.

#6. He asks your permission- If he isn't sure that you will like him doing a certain thing, he'll ask your permission first, to make sure it's alright with you.

#7. He worries about you- If you have a problem, he worries and hopes that you will be fine.Or if you don't call for a long time on accident, he worries that you are fine. This means he cares for your well-being.

#8. He tells the truth even if it hurts- He's honest with you, even if that means you will be hurt, and even if that means that he will be hurt too.An honest man is one who values your trust, so he would never jeopardize it by lying.

#9. He surprises you- He does something for you, that you weren't expecting, but loved...because he tunes into your desires and wants, and knows what he can do to surprise you, and excite you, and makes efforts to do just that, and may even do something completely unpredictable just to accomplish it.

#10. He listens when you need to vent- Even if it's something he has no idea about, or something unrelated to him, he listens to you and lets you vent to him so that you can feel less stressed.

#11. He apologizes without you having to ask- He knows when he has hurt you or has done something wrong, and apologizes for it. If you have to always force a guy to apologize, it means he will always blame you, because he's not willing to "be" wrong EVER.

#12. He wants to know about your friends- He wants to know who you hang out with, what they are like, and everything else...because he wants to get to know the people you respect, the people who make you laugh, and the people who you find to be interesting.

#13. He respects you- This means that he holds you in esteem, and would never talk about you behind your back, and would never put you down to anyone else.It also means that he respects everything you hold in esteem as well...even if he doesn't agree with it all, he still gives you respect.

#14. He pulls through for you- When you need him the most, he's there.He always pulls through for the things and times that are most important to you.

#15. He can agree to disagree- Instead of just wanting everything his way and rejecting you if you don't take his opinion, he respects the fact that you disagree, and agrees to disagree...rather than trying to force you to take his side.

#16. He learns from his mistakes- If he hurts you, he learns from it and avoids making the same mistake in the future, because he cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you.

#17. He introduces you to his family- He tells his family about you, and talks about how impressed and interested he is with you, to try and get them to like you as well.He also tries to make you a part of his family.

#18. He is comfortable talking about commitment- He isn't afraid to talk a about a long-term relationship, or even marriage. He doesn't mind talking about commitment either.

#19. He trusts you- He doesn't question you if you want to go out, or if you want to do something.Instead, he supports you; because he trusts you, and gives you space to do your own thing.

#20. He knows what makes you laugh- He has your sense of humor down pact, and knows exactly what to say to bring a beaming smile onto your face; to the extent that even if you are upset, he just has to say something and you'll be giggling or smiling.

#21. He understands you- He "gets" you, and knows why you act the way you do, why you say what you say, why you think the way you do, why you feel as you do etc...He knows you in and out, and can sometimes predict what you will do, even without you telling him...and you never really have to explain yourself to him.

#22. He confides in you- He trusts you with his most intimate and personal secrets, and believes that you can keep them, and won't abuse the knowledge.

#23. He'll drop everything just to do something with you- If there's a time that you really need him, or want to do something...he may stop everything he is doing just to see you become happy.

#24. He gives you space when you need it- He doesn't blame you for needing space, and will gladly give you time alone whenever you want, so that you can sort things out, or just so that you can have a moment alone.

#25. He makes you a regular part of his life- You're a routine in his life...whether it's calling you daily, or seeing you every other day etc... or if it's spending an hour together watching something...he has a routine specifically for you, so that you can always be a part of his life: he wants you to be constant.

#26. He is extremely patient- He endures trying circumstances without lashing out at you, without blaming you, and remains calm to give you a good environment to change and improve.

#27. He encourages you- If you tell him about something that interests you, or a new dream, or even a life goal...his very first response is to tell you to go do it, and to encourage following through with it.

#28. He keeps his promises- He knows that you have expectations, and doesn't want to disappoint you or let you down, so he always keeps his promises, because he knows they are important to you.

#29. He can make you feel better- When you are in a bad mood, you can come to him and he can make you feel better, and knows how to comfort you.

#30. He prioritizes you- He doesn't place everything else above you, and instead places you above other things. I.E: he thinks you are the most important thing.

#31. He protects you- He always tries to keep you out of harm's way, and that you are safe. He tries to ensure that nothing can harm you and tries to ensure you are healthy and fine emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically.

#32. He asks you what you want- If he's unsure about what you want, because you may be confused or might not be clear...he'll ask you so that he can try and give you what you need.

#33. He remembers important things- He pays attention and makes an effort to remember things you've said that are important to you, and days that you think are significant, alongside remembering things like your anniversary, and birthday etc.

#34. He forgives you- No one is perfect, but he doesn't hold every mistake you make against you, and instead has the capacity to forgive you and move on.

#35. He tells you his problems - He lets you know what is bothering him, and what's going on;instead of leaving you out in the dark to guess. He goes to you, to let you know when something is wrong or when he is struggling with a challenge.

#36. He compliments you- He tells you what he likes, and doesn't have a problem telling you how much you impress him, how amazing some of your talents are, how good you are at something etc...

#37. He appreciates you- He understands everything that you offer him, and doesn't take it for granted.He lets you know just how much he appreciates you by telling you, and by doing things for you in return.

#38. He doesn't lose interest- He still thinks there is more to know about you, more to discover, and he still loves everything you do together, and everything you talk about etc... because his interest in you doesn't die out.

#39. He is comfortable with you- He doesn't mind being himself around you, and doesn't feel embarrassed about anything.Generally, he feels extremely comfortable around you, and considers you to be his comfort zone.

#40. He thinks about you all the time- He can't keep his mind off of you, and even if he was only gone for a few hours, he thinks about you and may call, email, or text message you in between just to check up.

#41. He makes accommodations for you- If he knows something would make you uncomfortable, he makes adjustments so that it can become comfortable for you. He doesn't mind adjusting his life around to make things mutual or to help you settle.

#42. He never grows tired of your looks- He still thinks you are stunning, and you catch him staring at you from time to time.He checks you out still and compliments you on how you look.

#43. He tries to impress you- He still tries to impress you, and tries to maintain your esteem in him.He wants you to feel surprised and interested, and genuinely wants you to still think he's a great catch, because he wants you to be happy with the fact that you chose him.

#44. He tries to help you improve- He encourages you to be better, when he sees you slipping, or when he notices that your behavior may be destructive.His only criticisms are constructive and helpful ones, because he wants to see you being your best self.

#45. He isn't afraid to tell you how he feels- He's not afraid of his emotions and can open up to you about how he feels, about himself, you, your relationship and everything.This means that he can tell you if he loves you, and he can also tell you if he is scared or upset etc.

#46. He enjoys the silent moments together- He loves it when you sit alone together and don't say anything at all...because he feels that comfortable and happy around you, that nothing has to be said...because it's being felt instead.

#47. He'll stay up late with you- He doesn't mind staying up late with you to talk or just enjoy each other's company...and he still stays up late with you, even after you've been together a long time, which shows that he's actually committed to you and that he doesn't take you for granted.

#48. He pleases you before himself in bed- He doesn't mind foreplay, and makes an effort to please you before himself when you are sexually intimate. He also experiments to find out what feels the best for you. This also means that he isn't pushy with sex, and doesn't force it upon you when you aren't in the mood.

#49. He waits for you- If you are not ready for something, if you aren't ready to talk about something, if you need time to change etc., he waits for you.He lets you open up in your own time, without pressuring you to do it before you are ready.

#50. He takes his time- He doesn't rush things, so that when they actually happen, both of you are happy with the results.

#51. He pampers you- He makes sure you are well taken care of, and even goes well beyond what you expect to ensure you are no less than extremely happy with what you get from him.

#52. He has things in common with you- You share beliefs, morals, ideas, dreams etc... to an extent where both of you can feel comfortable together on the basis your common ground, and don't disagree too often.

#53. He takes an interest in your interests- He tries to learn about your hobbies and interests, and may even try doing them with you, to show you that he is interested in you and the things that interest you.

#54. He doesn't have doubts about you- He is sure that he wants to be with you, he is sure that he likes you, he is sure that he can trust you etc... In essence he doesn't doubt you, and isn't "unsure" about you on the important levels.

#55. He is loyal- You don't catch him checking out every other woman he sees, and he doesn't flirt with other women. He keeps his other relationships strictly plutonic and only wants to be with you.

#56. He accepts you- He doesn't try to make you let go of the things that are most important to you, and you don't have to compromise who you are as a person. He doesn't try to change every little thing about you, and instead accepts you.

#57. His actions match his words- There aren't discrepancies between his words and actions...he does what he says he will do, and he says what he does. This means that he is genuine.

#58. He is proud to be with you- He flaunts you, and loves to parade you around, because he feels like you are the ultimate catch. He loves to introduce you to people as his woman, and always feels great to have you by his side.

#59. He doesn't make you feel guilty- If you spend his money, he doesn't ask you what you spent it on and doesn't argue about it...and if you eat something sweet, he doesn't make you feel guilty about gaining weight etc... Instead, he is comfortable with your choices.

#60. He makes sacrifices for you- This means that he chooses you over something else, to the point where he may have to forfeit the other thing;BUT he doesn't mind doing it, if that improves the relationship.

#61. He treats his family and friends well- How he treats those who have been around the longest (long time friends, and family members) is important, because it's a signal of how he will treat you.A man who treats his family and friends in high esteem, and who keeps his relationships in good health is one who will do the same for you/with you.

#62. He wants details- He's not satisfied with the "general" version of you, and instead wants to know every little detail...and is happiest when you are telling him everything about yourself...even after a long time of being together.

#63. He takes responsibility- He takes control of the important matters, and always handles them as best as he can. He takes responsibility for his own actions, and also for your well being, happiness, and fulfillment etc.

#64. He talks about the future with you- He wants to know if you want kids, what kind of home you would like to live in, what kinds of jobs you would work, what things you dream of, and he wants to know more than anything what kind of future you want together.

#65. He doesn't get annoyed easily- If you do act 'annoying' he finds it to be cute or attractive, and doesn't get annoyed or frustrated with you easily.He'll also let you annoy him on purpose, without losing his patience, because he knows it's all in good fun.

#66. He wants to experience life with you- He talks about doing things together, going places, and generally experiencing life together for both the ups and downs...and he wants you to be there for it all.

#67. He doesn't let other people influence how he feels about you- He doesn't let anyone else decide for him how he should feel about you, especially if others don't think you're right for him...he brushes it aside and chooses for himself how he feels.

#68. He hurts when you hurt- He is so in tune with your feelings that he feels what you feel, and he hurts when you hurt. What makes you emotional also makes him emotional, and you are unanimous with your feelings together.

#69. His conversations with you grow deeper- The conversations rarely run dry, because they only get deeper and deeper. You can talk about anything with him and it will feel interesting and won't feel shallow or dry.

#70. He manages his life well- Outside of the relationship, he manages his work, his money, his relationships, his time, his emotions etc...he manages his life well and his life is under control.

#71. He is confident- He doesn't let his insecurities run his life, and is confident around you.He feels the best when he is around you, and very assuring.

#72. His emotions are in check- He is not afraid of his emotions, and can clearly identify and discuss them.He's emotionally mature and can handle his emotions when they arise in a calm and collective fashion.

#73. He talks about the chemistry you have together- There's just something about you, he can't put his finger on it directly, but it draws him to you always.He just feels a constant pull toward you, a sort of "chemistry".

#74. He makes you feel like you can do anything- You start dreaming of things you never imagined possible, and you start to believe that anything can come true.He just makes you feel and truly believe that you can do anything; and as though you don't have limits.

#75. He misses you when you are away- A sign that he appreciates you and understands your value to him, because he misses you and grows even closer to you when you spend time apart.

#76. He sticks up for you- Instead of joking alongside people against you, he sticks up for you, and always takes your side against the opinions or ideas of others.If he finds out someone has hurt you, he immediately comes to your defense; or if someone tries to hurt you, while he's present, he will defend you.

#77. He doesn't try to control you- He lets you make decisions and choices for yourself, EVEN if he disagrees with it...he still allows you to do what you want. The only thing he does is try to encourage you to make good decisions, but he won't get in the way of something you truly want to do, because he's not trying to control you.

#78. He tells you about his plans before he tells anyone else- When he has an idea or thought coursing through his head that he wants to act on or make it come true, he tells you first, and gets your feedback.

#79. He looks to you for support- You're the person he comes to when he needs emotional support, feedback, encouragement, physical company etc... He relies on you to complete him, and he believes you're his better half, and knows that you can always make him feel better.

#80. He tries to make everything stable- He doesn't create unnecessary drama, and tries to ensure that your lives and the relationship are stable, so that if other things are not stable, you can still fall back onto the comfort of him and the relationship.

#81. He opens up more and more with time- Instead of growing distant or dry, he opens up more and more, and always has more to tell you, which in turn means he always has more to offer.

#82. He will initiate things in the relationship - When it comes to commitments, he is the first to initiate them; such as moving in together, sharing your incomes, spending money on you, talking about long term goals, and popping the question (will you marry me). He initiates it, because he wants to be with you.

#83. He doesn't expect you to entertain him- He can entertain him-self, and moreover he is already entertained by you naturally...and doesn't ask you to entertain him or keep his attention, because he's naturally drawn to you.

#84. He challenges you- He doesn't just present the same old boring things, but instead challenges you in the relationship, in your life, with your attraction toward him, in your goals....in each thing he is always encouraging you to continue moving forward and to continue chasing after the things you want.

#85. He always tries to look attractive - Even though he has you already, he doesn't let himself go and doesn't immediately stop trying to appear attractive to you.INSTEAD, he tries to appear more attractive, and you notice him trying to smell great, style his hair well, dress well etc... all for you.

#86. He handles pressure well- When things get heavy, he doesn't take it out on you, and doesn't sabotage the relationship to relieve the pressure. Instead, he handles the pressure well and still maintains the relationship, because you're important to him.

#87. He wants to be a part of your family- He wants to know who your relatives are, and wants to be a part of them, because he's there for the long haul and wants to fit in and wants to meet their approval to help you feel more comfortable.

#88. He always comes back- If you do have a disagreement, and if he does take some time away, he will always come back. This means that he is in it for the long haul and isn't going to leave you.

#89. He helps you overcome your fears- He knows the things that scare you the most, and he helps you work through them so that you can handle life and the challenges that you face.

#90. He let's you make decisions for him- He's not afraid with the choices you make, which is why he will sometimes let you pick and decide something for him.It may be something for a project, something related to his style, or a decision on the house etc... But he lets you take control for the both of you, without worrying about what you will choose.

#91. He likes to cuddle - He can sit with you and cuddle, without getting sexual...and loves to hold you and lay next to you. He doesn't mind holding you tight next to him; because he loves the feeling of having you close beside him, and having an intimacy that goes beyond sex.

#92. He wants to do things as a couple- He wants to try doing things that involve both of you as a couple outside of the privacy of being alone. For instance, he may want to find other couples and go out together in a couples date, or he may want to try couples dancing or anything that lets both of you work together in an activity.

#93. He makes decisions with you in mind - If he gets a job promotion in another city, he won't hastily make the decision if he knows that you may not be able to move with him; for example. Thus he makes decisions that keep you in mind.

#94. He can display his love regardless of where you are- He's not embarrassed to show affection toward you, whether you are alone together, with friends, or are in public.

#95. He is sensitive- He's not completely oblivious to the attitudes, feelings, or even circumstances of others...and instead is perceptive to his surroundings. He's not emotionally dry, and is quite in tune with his emotional side.

#96. He doesn't make you settle for less- He knows what your standards are and doesn't try to convince you to take less, and doesn't try to force you to accept something that clearly is beneath your expectations.

#97. He is consistently passionate and romantic- Some men lose their romantic streak after they realize they have snagged a woman;while others will only INCREASE their passion once they have snagged a woman. A man who is truly into you would only feel increased passion and romanticism over time.

#98. He motivates you- It's not easy to get up everyday and do certain things. We grow tired of them, bored with them, and simply start to despise some things; BUT if you find your man making efforts to motivate you to do the right things, to complete tasks on time, to continue on etc... he is a keeper.

#99. He corrects you when you are wrong - It doesn't mean that he's trying to change you, but rather means that there is another way of understanding or viewing something, and he just wants you to be open to it...which a man will only do if he is truly invested in you. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't bother.

#100. He'll let you know if something is out of whack - If your fly/zipper is undone, he'll tell you. If your makeup is running, he'll tell you. If your hair is messed up, he'll tell you, so that you don't become embarrassed, and because he genuinely doesn't want to see you in an awkward position in public.

#101. He can let things go- He's easygoing and is more than capable of letting things go for you, and for himself in the relationship so that both of you can move forward. He doesn't bring things up from the past that you did, and he also is able to let go of things that you said but didn't mean.

Can a Woman Change a Man? Get the Real Answer to This Question Right Here

"If only he did this one thing for me life would be so much better"

"I really wish he can love me the way I love him, I know he will change someday."

"I know if I push hard enough he will eventually change."

I am sure you've often asked yourself the same questions as well. I am sure you have sat there and dreamed all day long about how your life would be so much better if only your man did certain things differently.

Now the big question is - Can a woman really change a man? Is it true that if you knock on the door long enough and hard enough someone will actually answer?

Well let me share some advice which will help you a lot...

He won't change because you want him to. He will only change when he is ready -

First of all please understand - You don't control his mind, you don't run his life and you can't make him do things unless he personally wants to do them.

He is another human being and his life decisions will be completely out of your control just like your life decisions are completely out of his control.

Sure both of you can influence each other but that doesn't mean that one or both of you will do everything exactly as the other partner pleases.

If you are sitting there hoping that some day your man will change for you then you are knocking on the wrong door. And here is the big thing - Men do sometimes change but often that change is short lived.

Very soon they return back to their old behavior. Again I am not saying that all men are like this. There are men out there who do change for their partner but it's not very common.

So can a woman really change a man? Well in one word - NO! And even if she does attempt it's going to be one big hill climb and in the end the reward might not be what she expected. Here is why...

You will always feel unhappy if you depend on him to make you happy...

It's normal to have expectations from your partner, it's normal to look up to them for a lot of things but the big problem is this - Some women completely depend on their partner for emotional satisfaction and always find themselves in constant pain because of it.

Here is some truth for you - A relationship can never make you happy.

I am sure you've heard this before a million times but this statement is extremely significant.

Your partner can't do everything exactly as you want him to therefore there will be some disappointment along the way. And you just can't change that.

The only way to be happy in a relationship is to first accept that your partner has flaws and will do things you don't like or agree with. It's just a normal part of being in a relationship. If you can't handle this truth then you will always end up with unhappiness and disappointment.

Important points -

• A woman can not change a man to match her preferences. Even if a man does change temporarily he will always return back to his old self sooner or later. It's better to change yourself and accept that your partner wouldn't change instead of wasting energy on trying to change him.


• If you are constantly trying to change your man then the whole foundation of your relationship is already flawed. A relationship only works when two partners accept each other the way they are. The moment you try to change your man you can start counting the days before your relationship ends.


• If you believe that when your man will change life is going to be so much better then you are day dreaming. Life won't get better when your man will change, it will actually get better when you change.


• Don't give your emotional power away by depending on him too much for happiness. True happiness only comes from the inside and not anything outside of you. Therefore first find that within you, because once you do, you won't seek it from outside sources.

Dealing With Snobbishness

Some people have inferiority complexes and some have superiority complexes. Situations where the latter comes into play are the topic in question here.

Enter snobbery.

If truth were known we've doubtless engaged in, or been affected by, both.

What stems from this reality is we have opportunities to respond to others' snobbishness better and also to repel this proud persona ourselves.

THE SOURCE OF SNOBBISHNESS

Everyone, deep down, has their entrenched values and belief systems. These were set from a young age and have been reinforced so much they're inherently part of who we are. Besides this, we've got the genes we were born with, so already we're predisposed to thinking certain ways.

The Nature/Nurture phenomenon is alive and well in everyone, explaining that both our biological makeup and our experiences - though mostly the latter - come into being regarding the source of superiority complexes.

These can be highly situational, depending on mood, or they can just be the way someone is; some people struggle with higher degrees of pride and stubbornness than others do.

It's likely, for instance, that the highly capable 'world-beater' type is prone to considering themselves 'better' than others. On some levels they are; on many other levels, however, they're self-deluded.

The source of snobbishness is the heart, bent against the prevailing morality of virtue. Yes, it's belief in common lies.

WHEN WE'RE GIVEN TO SNOBBISHNESS

Most of us, if we're honest, will have a nich� of snobbishness in us - a place where we genuinely believe we're specially blessed or positioned.

It wouldn't be so bad if this giftedness was true. Sometimes it is. But we easily inflate our abilities when we slink into our egocentric states.

Awareness is a key matter. Let's pray for a special sensitivity to exhibiting snobbish thoughts and behaviours, so we can ask God to rid it from us.

DEALING WITH SNOBBISHNESS IN OTHERS

This has got to be instantly empowering.

The raw truth is another's snobbishness is their problem. It's their lie that they've both fabricated about the situation we're involved with them in and which they propagate. Their lie keeps them from seeing aright. And pride generally precedes a fall. They're on a downhill run, and if they continue it won't end well.

Other people's snobbishness can hurt because it's essentially a purposeful rejection of what we offer or of us ourselves.

But to allow the hurt to affect us, despite it being the default, is the wrong response.

The correct response is to understand the truth - that it's not our problem; it's theirs - and to understand they need the mercy of God. We should pray for them. Somehow deep down inside them they feel a little inferior. Why else would they seek to assert their superiority?

Now we identify a paradox!

It's the humble who'll be exalted. The proud do not know; they take the lower position.

Noting others in their snobbishness is now considered a blessing, as it's recognised, for we're not setting ourselves above God like they are. We pray that God will soften their hearts to the truth, that they might appreciate the principle of equal value as it enfolds itself over all humanity.

Copyright (c) 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Various Stages of Relationships

Everyone has different versions of what stages of relationships should be. Some people commonly engage in relationships that include stalking and restraining orders, while others engage in relationships that involve intense passion and marriage the next day. These are considered unhealthy stages of a relationship. For a healthy relationship to occur there are normally a few other stages that take place.

The First Stage is Attraction

This is not attraction for just one person but rather for both parties involved. This is started by physical characteristics and certain behaviors that catch someone's attention. Then similar beliefs and lifestyles create a desire to be with one another, along with a few complimentary traits thrown in that benefit one another in the long run.

This is the exciting stage where nothing can go wrong and everything is fun in the relationship. You accept one another for who you are and you start to form the basis of a committed relationship together. Sporadic dates and phone calls turn into nightly get-togethers and soon you are in a committed relationship where the labels boyfriend and girlfriend come into play.

The one thing about this stage is that everyone is on their best behavior and no judgments are being made. No gross bowel movement talk and no bad habits show themselves in this stage because the goal is to attract the other person completely and not scare them away.

The Second Stage is a Power Struggle

This is when you start to realize that your partner has some annoying habits and differences from you, and you start to wonder about the stability of the relationship. This is where the bowel movement talk becomes acceptable and bad habits flow out of every corner.

Maybe you are a neat freak and their messy side appears, or maybe you find out that they deal with stress in an unhealthy way like overeating or raging over stupid stuff, or maybe their cute twitch when they are nervous has now become annoying. This is the not-so-pretty stage, and it normally causes arguments and intense discussions about what is proper, right, and acceptable.

This stage can cause a lot of fights, hurt feelings, and breakups. But if you can make it through this stage and move onto the next one you will find that your relationship will become stronger and better for it.

The Third Stage is Acceptance

This is when you have accepted that they are never going to be a clean-freak like you and moved past the issue of trying to make them become like you. You have accepted them for the unique individual that they are and moved on to allowing yourselves to be who you are without hurt, blame, or fighting.

The Fourth Stage is Support

This is when you not only accept one another for your unique traits but support one another as well. You help them become the person they want to be by offering love, understanding, and patience. You are their rock when they need it and their partner in life. You are like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly even though you are unique, and you are happy and co-dependent as a couple.

The Last stage is Death

One person will eventually die and leave the other one to fend for themselves in life. This where the person still on earth carries memories and love from their partner and uses that to propel themselves forward in life. This is why the uniqueness of one another is important, because it allows the surviving person to realize that they are still the person they were before the death of their partner. Of course their partner is in part what makes them the person they are but they are able to function as an individual.

Relationship Wisdom - What Makes A Relationship Work?

Many of my clients have asked me over the years: What makes a relationship work? There are many theories either based on someone's opinion or based on research like in Dr. John Gottman's case.

In the end every relationship is different and what works for one, might not work for another. Having said this, there are a few basic principles that help make a relationship long or longer lasting:

Mutual respect

Sounds simple but once you have been together for a while the respect, interest and curiosity diminishes, as you get desensitized to your partner's ways. Many couples find that after a few years they wouldn't treat a friend as disrespectfully as they sometimes treat their partner. Looking at abusive relationships it becomes obvious that people give up the need to be respected for the little bit of apparent love and attention they get, which they probably didn't get enough of in their childhood.

Ask yourself: What role does mutual respect play in your relationship?

Willingness to continuously grow, as an individual and as a couple

We change and develop anyway, whether we want to or not. As a couple it is important to be open and willing to improve any aspect of self and the relationship on a continuous basis. Even though you're an adult now, this does not mean that your communication skills are unfaultable, right? Even though you've made love for all these years, are you really sure that what you're doing and experiencing is all there is?

Ask yourself: What areas of myself and of my relationship could I spend some time with this month or year and learn more about it? What could we do together as a couple?

Openness to get to know your partner again and again

You might think just because you've been together for 3, 5, 10 years that you know all there is to know about your partner. This would presuppose that nothing ever changes. The fact is that you are not the same person today that you were when you met your partner. Even on a physical sense the cells in your body will have totally replicated within seven years.

Ask yourself: What are we doing as a couple to know what's going on in the other person's life? Do we check-in with each other on a daily basis? Am I interested to hear what my partner has to say?

If any of the questions above have given you some areas to work on start today. If you find it challenging to do this on your own, find a couple's workshop, a communication class or find a counsellor or coach to support you in this journey together. You're doing not just your partner but yourself and your whole family a favor if you're happier where you are and with whom you're spending your life.

Creating Emotional Intimacy In Your Relationship

Many of us have lost a sense of emotional closeness with the people in our lives. Some of us do not even notice that we are disconnected from our feelings of intimacy, because we live predominately in our heads. It can be a challenge to even locate our actual feelings, let alone to express them, because we are so caught up in what we are thinking and with all the judgments we have about ourselves and others. Unfortunately this reinforces our separateness and deprives us of the experience of emotional closeness that we actually need.

Not being connected to our emotional needs

When we live in a state of emotional alienation and have lost connection with our real emotional needs, we become reactive. Consequently, we become so fragile that small criticisms or misunderstandings can provoke large defensive reactions in us. We become insecure and are easily threatened by others. We fall prone to jealousy, envy, and feelings of exclusion. We are much more likely to misinterpret the intents of others. We get angry or withdraw from those close to us, because we basically do not have a way of coping with our feelings. We have little understanding of what is happening to us. It is hard to change these reactions without understanding that we are reactive because our actual needs are not being met.

Learning about our relational needs

It is easy to overlook the fact that our emotional lives develop in and depend on our relationship with others. Our sense of having a self comes from being related to in our families of origin. Even though most of us are independent of our original nuclear families, we carry the experience of our early relationships with us. We are social by nature and continue to need others to meet our needs. Whether or not our basic relational needs were met as we grew up, these needs continue to exist and exert emotional pressure on us when they are not being met. We need a certain amount of positive responses from others to sustain a stable sense of ourselves and to feel emotional closeness.

When our needs are met

When our relational needs are met, we have a stronger sense of our own selves and are more capable of establishing closeness and of dealing with the everyday differences and challenges of other people's needs. We can develop relationships where there is a mutual exchange of relating to our own and the other persons needs and on the other hand we realize that we are okay even in situations where we feel our needs are disregarded or not taken into consideration. This gives us the freedom to decide how we want to handle a situation, instead of only being able to react automatically. When we have a stronger connection to ourselves, paradoxically we can also feel more emotional intimacy.

What can we do

Learning to express to our significant others what we need from them and being able to hear and respond to their needs helps to bring a sense of emotional closeness. Because there are many more subtle needs than we usually are aware of, spending some time sensing what behaviors or words we need from our partners in everyday contacts helps us to regain our connection with ourselves and more understanding for their needs.

Understanding Our Relationship Needs

To a great extent, our identity is formed in relationship. Our psychological Self develops and is sustained by the many experiences we have with others. Children grow up identifying with those around them, taking on specific characteristics and behaviors. However, it is through our relationships with others that our sense of Self and our sense of Other develops. Our Self identity is greatly impacted by how our needs are related to both in our early life and in our adult relationships.

Development and Impact

As infants we have many relational needs, starting with the biological need for warmth, nourishment, protection and contact. Other relational needs that sustain the development of our sense of self are sometimes less obvious. In particular, having our feelings and needs understood and reflected back to us through appropriate responses gives coherence to our sense of self.

It is through having our relational needs met that we learn to relate to others and form our Self identity. Our identities are to a large degree, formed by the experience of having our needs related to, or not. These experiences accumulate and become a part of our psychological structure.

If we feel we are loved and nourished, we internalize this into our experience of Self. We internalize not only the feeling of being loved and nourished, but the capacity for loving and for nourishing others. These internalized experiences form emotional templates that will impact all of our relationships. The absence of having our needs met is likewise internalized and impacts our relationships.

Current Relational Needs

Because our relational selves continue to grow throughout our lifetime, we continue to need others to supply us with responses that meet our relational needs. Being aware of these needs is important because as adults, we have to learn to manage our own needs.

As adults we find others that can meet some of our needs and we learn ways to handle our needs when they are not met. Becoming more aware of these less obvious relational needs makes it easier to understand ourselves and some of our complicated emotional reactions.

A List of Relational Needs

These are some relational needs that are met/or not met in relationship.

• Attention: Needing the other person to be focused on and attending to what you are saying or doing.


• Understanding: Needing others to grasp the intended meaning of your words or actions.


• Contingency: Needing others to respond to your actions or words in ways that you expect.


• Joining: Needing to be able to share meanings and values with another person or group.


• Recognition: Needing others to see and hear you and give value to what you are doing, being, thinking and feeling.


• Respect: Wanting others to listen and respond to your feelings and needs with the sense that they value you and treat you as an individual with your own values and boundaries.


• Security: Needing to feel that your environment is safe, that you are protected and do not have fear that your boundaries will be violated. Needing to feel that you matter to others and that you are cared for.


• Dependability: Needing to feel that you can rely on others and be able to trust that they will act and speak truthfully.


• Mutuality: Needing to feel a sense of balance with others that you both are giving and receiving equally.


• Connection: Needing to feel on the same page with others. Needing to feel a part of a relationship or group.


• Affiliation: Needing to have a sense of belonging. Needing to have friendships and feel part of a group of your peers. Intimacy: Having a sense of closeness to special people you relate to. Feeling emotionally and physically connected.


• Autonomy: Experiencing your own need for independence, wanting and able to do things on your own and in your own way. Having your own space in a relationship.

Relationship Advice: Telling Lies and Honesty

Great pleasure is enjoyed by those who trust that their loved ones will always act with honesty and integrity. And as many of us perceive honesty to be the cornerstone of our relationships with our partners, we are wired to seek the truth however painful this may be, before we can make our informed choices on whether to stomach things, to forgive or to forget.

On the other hand we may be willing to excuse a "white lie" if we can be persuaded that our partner is motivated by good intentions.

Our partners are similarly faced with grave decisions about whether to tell us the truth or not and this can be a challenge especially if they do not know what the other partner's reaction is going to be.

How many of us would spontaneously tell their other half something that could spoil our domestic bliss or, cause a rift? In seeking to maintain their approval, we may sometimes feel obliged to tell a white lie. But when does a lie constitute a mere effect of weakness? And when should we take great care to avoid grief and breach of domestic union?

Consider for example the case of a wife lying to her partner about how much she spent on a handbag. Why did she lie? Was she seeking to protect her image as a financially prudent person or, was she seeking to avoid the potential risk of infuriating her husband about a perceived frivolous expense.

Depending on the circumstances, a lie maybe interpreted as an excusable indulgence; a human foible that can be overlooked or a betrayal of your partner's trust. Many would agree that the price of trust is beyond measure and when faith is eroded, we find it harder to give second chances. Hence a conscious decision to tell the truth (or not) can have far- reaching consequences.

On occasion we may act in haste for fear of losing our partner or being perceived as a cheat. However we may live to regret the feelings of guilt and anguish that can "eat away" the harmonious relationship that we are so desperately seeking to protect.

Most relationships would benefit from a few tips

Agree that honesty is a priority. Deciding as a couple that you both want open and considerate communication is an incredibly important step in establishing honesty ground rules.

Talk about what you need, not what your partner needs to do. John Gottman, a well known psychologist and expert on marriage and relationships, recommends a 'softened startup'. Example: I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. Would you help me identify some ways I can get some more support? When someone is approached "honestly" about their shortcomings and lacks, it is understandable that they may get defensive and refuse your request or seek revenge later.

Identify topics that are off-limits. Even after you've decided to be honest, some topics are too difficult to tackle, especially if they've been problematic historically in your relationship. Setting some ground rules about what issues shouldn't be talked about at first is probably a good idea.

When necessary, wave the white flag. Intense discussions are often difficult and exhausting. If you're trying to be honest with each other, make sure you allow one another to "drop out" at some point for a cooling off period. Example: I want to resolve this with you but I need a few minutes to cool off. Can we take a ten-minute break?

Be mature.An honest conversation with a loved one can be undermined by name-calling, derisive remarks, or belittling contemptuous comments. Try to avoid that.

Aim for progress, not perfection. Nobody is perfect. Honesty in a relationship requires trust, time and tolerance - And the recognition that you are not perfect either!

Relationship Advice: Telling Lies and Honesty

Great pleasure is enjoyed by those who trust that their loved ones will always act with honesty and integrity. And as many of us perceive honesty to be the cornerstone of our relationships with our partners, we are wired to seek the truth however painful this may be, before we can make our informed choices on whether to stomach things, to forgive or to forget.

On the other hand we may be willing to excuse a "white lie" if we can be persuaded that our partner is motivated by good intentions.

Our partners are similarly faced with grave decisions about whether to tell us the truth or not and this can be a challenge especially if they do not know what the other partner's reaction is going to be.

How many of us would spontaneously tell their other half something that could spoil our domestic bliss or, cause a rift? In seeking to maintain their approval, we may sometimes feel obliged to tell a white lie. But when does a lie constitute a mere effect of weakness? And when should we take great care to avoid grief and breach of domestic union?

Consider for example the case of a wife lying to her partner about how much she spent on a handbag. Why did she lie? Was she seeking to protect her image as a financially prudent person or, was she seeking to avoid the potential risk of infuriating her husband about a perceived frivolous expense.

Depending on the circumstances, a lie maybe interpreted as an excusable indulgence; a human foible that can be overlooked or a betrayal of your partner's trust. Many would agree that the price of trust is beyond measure and when faith is eroded, we find it harder to give second chances. Hence a conscious decision to tell the truth (or not) can have far- reaching consequences.

On occasion we may act in haste for fear of losing our partner or being perceived as a cheat. However we may live to regret the feelings of guilt and anguish that can "eat away" the harmonious relationship that we are so desperately seeking to protect.

Most relationships would benefit from a few tips

Agree that honesty is a priority. Deciding as a couple that you both want open and considerate communication is an incredibly important step in establishing honesty ground rules.

Talk about what you need, not what your partner needs to do. John Gottman, a well known psychologist and expert on marriage and relationships, recommends a 'softened startup'. Example: I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. Would you help me identify some ways I can get some more support? When someone is approached "honestly" about their shortcomings and lacks, it is understandable that they may get defensive and refuse your request or seek revenge later.

Identify topics that are off-limits. Even after you've decided to be honest, some topics are too difficult to tackle, especially if they've been problematic historically in your relationship. Setting some ground rules about what issues shouldn't be talked about at first is probably a good idea.

When necessary, wave the white flag. Intense discussions are often difficult and exhausting. If you're trying to be honest with each other, make sure you allow one another to "drop out" at some point for a cooling off period. Example: I want to resolve this with you but I need a few minutes to cool off. Can we take a ten-minute break?

Be mature.An honest conversation with a loved one can be undermined by name-calling, derisive remarks, or belittling contemptuous comments. Try to avoid that.

Aim for progress, not perfection. Nobody is perfect. Honesty in a relationship requires trust, time and tolerance - And the recognition that you are not perfect either!

Understanding Our Relationship Needs

To a great extent, our identity is formed in relationship. Our psychological Self develops and is sustained by the many experiences we have with others. Children grow up identifying with those around them, taking on specific characteristics and behaviors. However, it is through our relationships with others that our sense of Self and our sense of Other develops. Our Self identity is greatly impacted by how our needs are related to both in our early life and in our adult relationships.

Development and Impact

As infants we have many relational needs, starting with the biological need for warmth, nourishment, protection and contact. Other relational needs that sustain the development of our sense of self are sometimes less obvious. In particular, having our feelings and needs understood and reflected back to us through appropriate responses gives coherence to our sense of self.

It is through having our relational needs met that we learn to relate to others and form our Self identity. Our identities are to a large degree, formed by the experience of having our needs related to, or not. These experiences accumulate and become a part of our psychological structure.

If we feel we are loved and nourished, we internalize this into our experience of Self. We internalize not only the feeling of being loved and nourished, but the capacity for loving and for nourishing others. These internalized experiences form emotional templates that will impact all of our relationships. The absence of having our needs met is likewise internalized and impacts our relationships.

Current Relational Needs

Because our relational selves continue to grow throughout our lifetime, we continue to need others to supply us with responses that meet our relational needs. Being aware of these needs is important because as adults, we have to learn to manage our own needs.

As adults we find others that can meet some of our needs and we learn ways to handle our needs when they are not met. Becoming more aware of these less obvious relational needs makes it easier to understand ourselves and some of our complicated emotional reactions.

A List of Relational Needs

These are some relational needs that are met/or not met in relationship.

• Attention: Needing the other person to be focused on and attending to what you are saying or doing.


• Understanding: Needing others to grasp the intended meaning of your words or actions.


• Contingency: Needing others to respond to your actions or words in ways that you expect.


• Joining: Needing to be able to share meanings and values with another person or group.


• Recognition: Needing others to see and hear you and give value to what you are doing, being, thinking and feeling.


• Respect: Wanting others to listen and respond to your feelings and needs with the sense that they value you and treat you as an individual with your own values and boundaries.


• Security: Needing to feel that your environment is safe, that you are protected and do not have fear that your boundaries will be violated. Needing to feel that you matter to others and that you are cared for.


• Dependability: Needing to feel that you can rely on others and be able to trust that they will act and speak truthfully.


• Mutuality: Needing to feel a sense of balance with others that you both are giving and receiving equally.


• Connection: Needing to feel on the same page with others. Needing to feel a part of a relationship or group.


• Affiliation: Needing to have a sense of belonging. Needing to have friendships and feel part of a group of your peers. Intimacy: Having a sense of closeness to special people you relate to. Feeling emotionally and physically connected.


• Autonomy: Experiencing your own need for independence, wanting and able to do things on your own and in your own way. Having your own space in a relationship.

Good Reasons, Based On Which, You Need to Improve Your Site

Encoding glitches may create a high jump rate from the web site, since customers quickly go down with their level of tolerance for web pages that simply do not work what they ought to and leave. Programming mistakes will in addition result in search engines like Google to not work effectively bringing up an organization owner's site when people try and locate a business type via a search engine. There are various ways of assessing your development your self. An HTML validator is often a well-known, as well as easy, technique of examining your own programming and also you could pick one on the web. You have to focus on the coding as much as your sentence structure in case you desire even more website visitors.

A pair of crucial features will be easy-to-find email or call information at the landing pages as well as easily navigable purchasing webpages. In case a client cannot uncover this info swiftly, they will bounce to another web site. Individuals like to see a easily visible phone number and mailing address, because it allows you to look trustworthy. A phone number may also help any individual who is having problems adding a web-based request. Buying pages should be not complicated and straightforward for consumers to understand. You have to up-date prices or even telephone or email info particulars as soon as they change. The result of this content is that the brighter, easier as well as cleaner a site appears, the longer folks will remain on it, and the longer they stay, the much more likely they're to generate a purchasing.

Visuals shouldn't be too difficult, because this could slow down the running of first web pages on the website. Having it simple for faster and easier navigation is optimal and straightforward navigation is always best. In case all these measures are put into practice, odds of people keeping to check everything the site can give are very more - don't forget, individuals want to visit your internet site, yet typically if you are making it a pleasant time for these people.

If you can have a web design service have a glance through your encoding then you'll be doing yourself a huge favor.

In the present Internet dependent society, the style of a business owner's site can result in the distinction in getting a person's attention bringing about extra income or resulting in that buyer to take a look in other places. Your own landing pages must produce that critical good opinion.

Winning A Woman's Heart Through Courtship

Long-term relationships often begin with formal courtship. It is the responsibility of a man to woo the girl first until such time that she finally answers the "Will you be my girlfriend?" with a "Yes." There are various ways to become admirable in the eyes of a lady depending on nationality and traditions. However, there are similarities that are common as well thereby making the task more understandable for men. Moreover, females hold interests that are alike in many ways when it comes to getting pleased. If you happen to be among those who have long wanted to court a particular woman but lack knowledge regarding proper techniques, then read along to be well-guided.

With the main objective of winning a lady's heart, effort must be done accordingly. Firstly, focus on yourself, your physical appearance, and attitudes. Level of attractiveness matters to women that is why actions must be geared towards further improving factors such as these. Good grooming never fails to increase appeal so see to it that you practice a daily routine of cleaning and bathing. Take into account the clothes you wear, their color and style, and look at your reflection to determine which suits you best. Women are very observant about good manners as well thus it would be wise to make it a habit to apply good values of kindness, respectfulness, and politeness especially when around her. Being a gentleman at all times will eventually pay off in the end.

Showering a girl with tons of attention is by far the most effective way to captivate her. This can be done in a number of ways. Show your interest in her by stating it out and asking for another date soon. Ask for her number and note it down to make her see that indeed you are going to call her. Listen to her and make eye contact when she speaks. On special occasions, get her a simple but elegant surprise present such as pandora charms bracelets wrapped in a pretty box. Even on non-special days, you can astonish her with surprising acts like bringing coffee to her in the office early in the morning. Do her favors like helping out in household chores, taking the dog to the vet, and driving her brother to school. Things like these are priceless but will absolutely lead her into wanting to be with you all the time.

Relationships - Understanding the Differences

Your relationship reading is an in-depth look at your joint Human Design charts. As newcomers to Human Design it will highlight a number of "not-self" issues which can be resolved simply through knowing and understanding certain dynamics between your two very different designs. As we know, we are naturally attracted to the differences in each other! Genes have an imperative to mutate and they do this by choosing two very different people to bring in a mutative being. These readings are designed to explore and honour those differences by allowing each other just to be who they are without any expectation of how we would like that person to be. Then it becomes very easy to not take anything that is said on a personal level, and to not judge the other for something that you might respond to differently.

When you read this it may seem to bring up all sorts of potential difficulties. It's deliberately designed that way because we are all "not-self" until we have been through the deconditioning process. We judge, we blame and we have expectations of each other. These are generalities, and many people will choose to have readings because they know they have a deep connection with each other and wish to explore the difficult surface issues and misunderstandings. When we are able to acknowledge the individuality of each one of us, then we recognise the gifts we have instead of looking at the faults. We understand why we are in relationship with this person, whether it is for "a reason, a season or a lifetime". It doesn't matter; it is all meant to be.

Human Design looks at our genetic potential. It doesn't take into account social conventions and mental concepts that we have been brought up to believe are the truth. Each person's perspective, each person's idea of the truth, is very different according to their own design. For some people relationships last for a lifetime, and for others it is for an appropriate length of time and then it is time to move on. It is the mental and social concepts that have given us a need to conform to what is outwardly acceptable. However this can create chaos within families that should not stay together, and lost opportunities for those who need to bring change in their lives.

Children particularly are able to sense inwardly when the parents' relationship is no longer functional. We can make a great effort to "pretend" but children are finely tuned to the aura of their parents and instinctively know when there is a breakdown in the relationship. Any "trained" therapist can only use out-dated mental concepts because this is the way our society is structured. In Human Design we understand that the social convention of marriage is just that - an expectation of society. It divides people into small controllable units instead of communities where we are one big family. The pressure to maintain what is perceived as normal may be too difficult for many of us.

We need to look back and feel that we are fulfilled and satisfied in our later years. Within our current social conventions we often feel restricted and stifled. Having our own reading shows us how to break out of the social expectation and just be ourselves. When we are truly behaving naturally then people feel that authentic aura and love us for our quirkiness and individuality. When we try to live according to social expectation something doesn't feel quite right. We are living a cliched life and this doesn't serve us or those who love us.

The real truth of whether or not two people are suited to each other can only be seen when they are both authentic. Human Design will help you find this authenticity and can bring relationships to a level beyond our dreams. When we are not authentic we can only be superficial; sometimes we only have the courage to remain on that level in case we touch that raw nerve in the other. Often one partner becomes the caretaker of the other so that the relationship "works" but this is not without a cost. When there is too much work for one partner to make the relationship work it will inevitably suffer. Usually in these relationships the caretaking partner dies sooner in order to escape the enormous amount of effort involved.

True partnerships are mutual. Neither one needs to draw energy from the other. When each is authentic and can completely understand the other then it flows easily. When issues come up to be dealt with it is not a problem; instead of being intense, there is always a funny side and something to gain from the experience.

All this is possible from an understanding of each other's Human Design!